To Whom it May Concern:

I have lived in Las Vegas Nevada for the last 5 years.  But, if I have to report for service, I’m requesting that the court provide the following”

• First class round trip air plane ticktes
• Five star hotel accommodations
• Chauffered limousine to and from my hotel
• Daily meals of BBQ ribs, potato salad, Pepsi, and for dessert peach cobbler

I would also like it to be known that if I were to become a juror, I would vote automatically guilty in a criminal case irregardless of the evidence.  I would also automatically vote in favor of whoever was suing in a civil case.

Thanks,

G—— R———

Impanelment was busy, busy, busy today.  On my way to make copies of postponement forms, I heard this snatch of conversation:

Juror:  I wouldn’t be a good juror.  I can’t be impartial. So this is a waste of time for me to even be here.

Staff:  Hmmmm….  Well, that-

Juror interrupts 

Juror:  I hate everybody! Especially blacks.  Really!

I walk by  hurriedly, trying to avoid  eye contact.  I fail.  He looks right at me.

Juror:  Well, good morning gorgeous! 

I nod awkwardly and keep walking.

Staff:  You were saying?

You know the bratty, whiny, snotty nosed kid in the candy aisle at the grocery store who pitches a fit when mommy or daddy won’t buy them a lollipop?  Well, fast forward 20 years and you have an idea of the lady I interviewed.  She wanted to be excused because she worked. (Insert crickets)  

I explained that people who worked weren’t exempt from jury duty.  She reiterated  in a voice so loud, THX would be impressed, that she worked and was it possible to speak with my supervisor who would surely be more reasonable than me.   Moments later, my supervisor arrived and repeated what I’d already told her.  She stormed out of the office in a huff vowing that we had not seen the last of her.

‘Course not, you’ve got jury duty silly!