Slap your forehead now.

.......

Me: Give me your JID number, please.
Juror: I don't have on of those.  Can you look it up another way?
Me: You have your summons right?
Juror: Yes.
Me: Ok, look at your badge.  Your JID number is at the top, underneath a bar code.  See it?
Juror: No, I just see J-I-D in parenthesis.

Ahem

Me: Good morning, Jury Services.  How can I help you?
Juror: I need to request an excuse.
Me: Ok, sir-
Juror: This is a lady!
 (Silence)
Juror: Hello? Are you still there?
Me: Yes sir! Uh, M'am. So sorry s-, uh M'am.

Juror’s name.. Juror’s name? Is that my name?

“

—	Juror registering for service

WTW????

Me: Make sure you call each night the week you are scheduled, after 6 pm.

Juror: Ok........ Do I have to call everyday?

My mother can’t do jury service because she is illiterate and she can’t read or write.

“

—	Juror requesting an excuse for their mother.

RSVP?

Me: Good morning, Jury Services.
Juror: Um, I was just callin' to let you know that I'm declining my jury service.
Me: (choking back laughter)  I'm afraid that isn't an option.
Juror: What?  Why the fuck not?
Me: Oh boy!  
Juror: Excuse me!
Me: You received a jury summons, not an invitation.  The Court, a branch of government,  isn't asking you to report.  They're telling you to report.
Juror: Well.......  I'm NOT COMING.
Me: Okay. Are you aware of the $1500.00 fine?
Juror: No!
 (Silence)
Me: Was there anything else I could help you with today?
Juror: That's it?
Me: If we're not registering you for jury service, there isn't anything else to discuss.
Juror: Fuck!  
 (and the line goes dead)

FAQ

Me: Good afternoon, Jury Services.
Juror: I had a question about my summons?
Me: Okay.....
Juror: Hello?
Me: Yeah, still here.
Juror: Oh!  Am I supposed to write the reason for my excuse in the section marked 'explain your excuse request'?

MI

Me: Good morning, jury services.
Juror: Morning....
Me: Yes sir...  How can I help you today?
Juror: Well, I took my form to my doctor to request an excuse.
Me: And?????
Juror: Well, none of them at the office could figure out what MI was for.
Me: I'm sorry?
Juror: What does 'MI' mean?
Me: Are you referring to the medical excuse section of the summons?  There's no 'MI...'
Juror: No, it's on the same line as 'name', right next to it, there is 'MI'?  We didn't know how to fill that part out.  Nobody at the doctor's knew what went there.
Me: 'MI' next to 'name'?  Sir......
Juror: Yes?
Me: 'MI' stands for 'middle initial'.  
Juror: Huh?
Me: MI is for. your.  middle.  initial.
 Silence
Me: Sir?
Juror: Oh..............  Okay, thanks.  'Cause they couldn't figure it out.
Me: No problem, sir.
 (Looking back, I probably should have asked what his doctor's name was.....)

The following is a letter from a juror to Superior Court Juror Services

To Whom it May Concern:

I have lived in Las Vegas Nevada for the last 5 years. But, if I have to report for service, I’m requesting that the court provide the following”

First class round trip air plane ticktes
Five star hotel accommodations
Chauffered limousine to and from my hotel
Daily meals of BBQ ribs, potato salad, Pepsi, and for dessert peach cobbler

I would also like it to be known that if I were to become a juror, I would vote automatically guilty in a criminal case irregardless of the evidence. I would also automatically vote in favor of whoever was suing in a civil case.

Thanks,

G—— R———

Me: Good morning, jury services.
Juror: I need to be excused.
Me: Ok, why?
Juror: I have to go to work!I have to take my kids to school!
Me: Everyone works.  The court isn't going to excuse you because you work.
Juror: Well, is the court going to feed my family?  If I don't work I don't get paid!
Me: Ma'm...
Juror: Well, could you at least send me to a court that's closer to my house?  And what about my kids?  How am I supposed to find a babysitter at the last minute.
Me: Ma'm you received your summons 6 weeks ago.
 Silence
Me: Ma'm?
Juror: Well, can you schedule me on the Furlough day?