WTW????
Me: Make sure you call each night the week you are scheduled, after 6 pm.
Juror: Ok........ Do I have to call everyday?
My mother can’t do jury service because she is illiterate and she can’t read or write.
“
| — | Juror requesting an excuse for their mother. |
RSVP?
Me: Good morning, Jury Services.
Juror: Um, I was just callin' to let you know that I'm declining my jury service.
Me: (choking back laughter) I'm afraid that isn't an option.
Juror: What? Why the fuck not?
Me: Oh boy!
Juror: Excuse me!
Me: You received a jury summons, not an invitation. The Court, a branch of government, isn't asking you to report. They're telling you to report.
Juror: Well....... I'm NOT COMING.
Me: Okay. Are you aware of the $1500.00 fine?
Juror: No!
(Silence)
Me: Was there anything else I could help you with today?
Juror: That's it?
Me: If we're not registering you for jury service, there isn't anything else to discuss.
Juror: Fuck!
(and the line goes dead)
FAQ
Me: Good afternoon, Jury Services.
Juror: I had a question about my summons?
Me: Okay.....
Juror: Hello?
Me: Yeah, still here.
Juror: Oh! Am I supposed to write the reason for my excuse in the section marked 'explain your excuse request'?
MI
Me: Good morning, jury services.
Juror: Morning....
Me: Yes sir... How can I help you today?
Juror: Well, I took my form to my doctor to request an excuse.
Me: And?????
Juror: Well, none of them at the office could figure out what MI was for.
Me: I'm sorry?
Juror: What does 'MI' mean?
Me: Are you referring to the medical excuse section of the summons? There's no 'MI...'
Juror: No, it's on the same line as 'name', right next to it, there is 'MI'? We didn't know how to fill that part out. Nobody at the doctor's knew what went there.
Me: 'MI' next to 'name'? Sir......
Juror: Yes?
Me: 'MI' stands for 'middle initial'.
Juror: Huh?
Me: MI is for. your. middle. initial.
Silence
Me: Sir?
Juror: Oh.............. Okay, thanks. 'Cause they couldn't figure it out.
Me: No problem, sir.
(Looking back, I probably should have asked what his doctor's name was.....)
The following is a letter from a juror to Superior Court Juror Services
To Whom it May Concern:
I have lived in Las Vegas Nevada for the last 5 years. But, if I have to report for service, I’m requesting that the court provide the following”
- First class round trip air plane ticktes
- Five star hotel accommodations
- Chauffered limousine to and from my hotel
- Daily meals of BBQ ribs, potato salad, Pepsi, and for dessert peach cobbler
I would also like it to be known that if I were to become a juror, I would vote automatically guilty in a criminal case irregardless of the evidence. I would also automatically vote in favor of whoever was suing in a civil case.
Thanks,
G—— R———
Me: Good morning, jury services.
Juror: I need to be excused.
Me: Ok, why?
Juror: I have to go to work!I have to take my kids to school!
Me: Everyone works. The court isn't going to excuse you because you work.
Juror: Well, is the court going to feed my family? If I don't work I don't get paid!
Me: Ma'm...
Juror: Well, could you at least send me to a court that's closer to my house? And what about my kids? How am I supposed to find a babysitter at the last minute.
Me: Ma'm you received your summons 6 weeks ago.
Silence
Me: Ma'm?
Juror: Well, can you schedule me on the Furlough day?
Call Center, yesterday @ 3:00 pm, duration 4 minutes
Juror: I'm having trouble with my summons. You didn't send a return envelope.
Me: You don't need an envelope. You're scheduled for next week.
Juror: But it says to fill it out and return it.
Me: No, you would only do that if you weren't serving, like if you were requesting an excuse.
Juror: It reads, 'do not detach and complete if you are serving. Bring this form to the courthouse.'
Me: Exactly. Understand?
Juror: I understand that you owe me an envelope.
Good morning, my name is B—-. I am the father of my son, J—. I wanted to tell you that he’s moved to New York. He can’t be there next week.
“
| — | Juror call center, yesterday @ 9:15 am. |
Today, Impanelment 8:15 am
Impanelment was busy, busy, busy today. On my way to make copies of postponement forms, I heard this snatch of conversation:
Juror: I wouldn’t be a good juror. I can’t be impartial. So this is a waste of time for me to even be here.
Staff: Hmmmm…. Well, that-
Juror interrupts
Juror: I hate everybody! Especially blacks. Really!
I walk by hurriedly, trying to avoid eye contact. I fail. He looks right at me.
Juror: Well, good morning gorgeous!
I nod awkwardly and keep walking.
Staff: You were saying?
